Call of the past
December 1918 was the first time I saw him. That man with gentle looks, with eyes ready to embrace my sorrowful body still forms a shadow in my memories even today.
I do not know why, but my mind can make no more a portrait of him. It seems as if pieces of puzzle flow deep in my mind, trying to reach each other, yet distant from forming that last image.
And yet again, I am able to form an image crystal clear of his smile. I like to think that I feed my heart with that image. No matter how foolish it may seem, it is all I have left from that distant memory.
Sometimes I keep asking myself “Why?”. Why was I not able to overcome my fears, to release myself from that feeling of emptiness that dominated my whole life? Until that moment, I never felt warmth inside my heart, as if my feelings were missing something. Feelings with no direction, with no human content. Empty feelings …
Oh, how I fear those feelings might come back someday. I fear them strongly and that thought of returning to what I once were just poisons my future.
And yet again, though I longed for his embrace, I could not accept it. Why? Why did I not say yes that time? For once in my life, to think outside of the box. For once in my life, to free myself from the chains of the ordinary? What was I expecting? A prince riding a white horse, saying “Come with me.You must come. For my life is not worth living without you by my side, my one true love. ..“
But he was… He was just like a prince: beautiful features had his face shown me every time I looked at him. Eyes, big and clear, showed me an unimaginable world, filled with blue skies and white, fuzzy clouds. Oh, and how the rays of light would come and gently touch my cheeks. And that world belonged to him, but he would have given his world to me, eventually, for he loved me. He truly loved me.
Yet I ran as far as I could, for I thought of myself not being worthy of him. Oh, but what a fool I was. I now recall our first time, when our eyes crossed each other’s paths. It happened in a bliss, as though it was just moments ago.
“Pardon me, beautiful miss, for I am blind and can not see the road I am on.”
“Oh, kind sir, do not apologize, for you are not to blame.”
“But surely must I apologize, my lady, for your beauty has captured my eyes and I lost my path.”
“Oh… It is I who must apologize then. I did not think that my beauty could make such victims.”
[…]
* * *
It kind of resembles someone I know…
(short story scris pentru un concurs.)
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